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Dear Soon To Be Neighbors,

April 10th, 2009 · 11 Comments · Gripes, Humor


I noticed today that you have put a contract on the townhouse two doors down. I can only surmise that you are a poor misguided fool purchasing their first home.   We decided to rent while living in NJ because of the high cost of real estate and the taxes.  I know you are congratulating yourself on buying a newly restored town home in a cute neighborhood, but let me tell  you why that townhouse was on the market for over a year. You just spent $300k on a town home. Your tax bill for the coming year will be about $6700.   This town has the highest taxes in the county but offers the least in return services to residents.  Our mutual neighbor is just delightful.  He is a pothead trying to recapture his youth. This usually occurs  at 1am while he plays Stairway to Heaven on his electric guitar with the state of the art amp.  His bedroom has a revolving door and I warn you, he likes screamers.  At 7am he LOVES to rev his motorcycle engine so that we all know he is leaving for the day.  Also, I don’t recommend putting potted plants on your front walkway because they become ashtrays for the 25 close and personal friends that come in and out at all hours.  The owners did a nice job of fixing up your place. I hope that your inspection reveals what is really going on with our building. If it rains, say goodbye to the power, the cable, and phone service.  I am sure no one has mentioned that the roof on our building welcomes water in and most of the units have mold or water damage.  You might also want to take a look up the hill behind our building. Those houses at the top of the cliff….they are actually sliding down the hill. It is not uncommon for small landslides after a heavy rain.  There are usually work crews at the top of the hill and I am sure they would yell out a warning before someones deck flies into your kitchen window.  We are close to the high speed ferry, which is a plus. As long as you don’t need to get out of your driveway between 6 and 7:30am or 5:30 and 7:30 pm.  Yeah, those people going to and from the ferry will not let you back out.  This is NJ. They will blow their horn and flick you off. I recommend getting use to that. The Cuban restaurant across the street has pretty good food and music.  It really gets going during the summer with live music and the bar.  They usually turn down the music around 11pm but the bar closes around 2am.  Keep the hose connected out front because their patrons sometimes can’t hold their liquor while walking to their cars. That cute park at the end of the street, it has the best farmer’s market on Saturday.  It is just unfortunate about all the drug dealers who hangout there the rest of the time.   The town had to hire a K9 unit this past fall to keep up with the complaints.  I hope if you learn anything from this experience it is to NEVER buy a house without talking to the neighbors and if you are buying a townhouse, always talk to the people who live on the other side of your immediate neighbors!

Welcome to the neighborhood!


11 Comments so far ↓

  • Dear Soon To Be Neighbors, | Real Estate Blog

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  • Dont Be a Slut

    This is hysterical. It almost feels like Steve and Marcy moving next door to Al and Peg Bundy. No idea what they’re getting into.

  • Debbie

    This is absolutely fantastic! I admit I had to tell a few little white lies about neighbors when selling my condo, but not nearly as bad as this!

  • Beekers

    I have a HUGE checklist when viewing a property for purchase. The druggie neighbor is a nice guy, but really inconsiderate and his friends are the same way. My husband took some pictures of the landslides but I can’t find them or I would have posted those as well. I just wish these people knew what they were buying into. You live, you learn!

  • Damien

    Very well written. I wish I would have known about my neighbors before we bought our house. On either side they rent and about 10 cars litter the cul-de-sac on a given afternoon. We just found out the mail will not be delivered anymore due to their constant blocking the box. Guess what, there’s nothing we can do short of suing them.

  • The Cooking Ninja

    ah … we forgot this golden rule about checking out and talking with the neigbhours before buying our present house. It is a good neighbourhood full of retirees. We were hoping to make friends with couples with young kids and have something in common with … what we ended up are folks around my in laws’ age. I’m sad for my little kid.

  • Beekers

    Damien: A friend of mine ran into the same situation. Her landlord starting having the vehicles towed since they blocked his property. She hasn’t had a problem since.

    Ninja: My husband and I learned that lesson on our last house. It was a quite neighborhood though!

  • Vicky

    Are you serious???? That even makes me think about my upstairs family-of-tap-dancers-neighbours not being as bad as I was thinking. At least I rent…

  • Beekers

    Vicky: I wish this was a dream. These problems started late last summer after we had signed our lease for one year. We are currently looking for a new place to rent because hell will freeze before I buy a home in NJ.

  • remember moments

    Yikes – sounds like your new neighbors are in for a rude awakening.

  • Chantal

    It is so true! My boyfriend won’t sell the house, I would. My neighbors on each side of the house, are noisy, especialy in the summer, and on top of that, I have a provincial road in my back yard. It’s none stop traffic. Are there still places that are peace and quite in this world?

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