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Chapter One: How to Care for a Sick Wife

February 19th, 2008 · 1 Comment · Humor

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I think my husband would have loved it if on our wedding day someone tapped him on the shoulder and said, “By the way, here is her operating manual.” My husband excels at reading manuals. When we play new board games, Pete is the guru of reading the directions and breaking it down into easy to follow steps or strategies. Manuals take out the guesswork and provide a valuable resource whenever an error message pops up. I think if I did have a manual, the first chapter would be, “How to Care for Your Sick Wife”. Pete is a healthy person. He has missed maybe 5 days of work in the last decade because of illness. There are times when my husband is so smug about his level of healthiness. I just want to go lick all the silverware. I don’t think he is the only husband who turns into an ostrich when their wife gets sick. Pete hates seeing me hurt, but I recognize I need to do a better job in telling him what I need. So today I decided to put together my operating manual.

Beeker’s Operating Guide

Chapter 1

“10 Steps to Caring for Your Sick Wife”.

1. When I say, “I am not feeling well.”, I need you to show concern. I need a hug. Remember your wife hates doctors and hospitals, and if she is asking for either…she is REALLY sick.

2. Determine the diagnosis and what action if any you need to take. A migraine might only need a few aspirin, a dark room, and quiet. The flu will mean a trip to the doctor and a 18 wheeler load of tissues.

3. Immediately make a shopping list of items you need in the household for the next few days and go shopping. Make sure to purchase any over the counter medication and tissues!

4. Create, what I like to call, a Zone of Contentment. Determine where I want to rest. Make sure I have a warm blanket, a pillow, a cordless phone, a glass of ice water, all necessary medications, Vick’s Vaporub, thermometer, a big box of tissues, trash can, lip balm, hair-clip, the remote control, a humidifier, a snack and a book to read.

5. Call the doctor’s office. Schedule the appointment. If you can’t go with me to the doctor, get a friend or family member to go with me.

6. If I am throwing up. Pull my hair back. Dampen a cloth and lay it against my neck. Pour me a glass of cold water to sip, to get rid of the taste in my mouth.

7. Call me or check on me during the day to make sure I am okay. Especially when the doctor has prescribed narcotics!

8. Keep track of the medications. I am drugged and not going to remember that I just took the medicine three hours ago.

9. Take care of dinner. I want bland comfort food.

10. Make sure I get plenty of rest and follow doctors orders. It is in your best interest that I recovery quickly!

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