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Bless Their Hearts

April 2nd, 2008 · 7 Comments · Humor

I am not especially close to my extended family and I like it that way.  I don’t see the need to have strife or stress from people I see every 12 years.  My mom made a decision about 11 years ago to move to Richmond to be closer to my grandmother. I adore my grandmother and I was excited that mom and grandma would be in the same town. The greater Richmond area is also home to a lot of extended family.  Living in Richmond, means enduring all the family gossip and intrigue.  I have learned that if someone here asks you if you are native to Richmond, the appropriate answer is to lie through your teeth. Within minutes of meeting you they have traced your family history back four generations and every thing you wished you could forget about your family comes surging back like high tide after a hurricane.  I don’t know if your family is like this , but my extended family is happiest when something is going bad for someone else in the family. They can’t wait to share the news with family and everyone else in the community.  I have been in the local WalMart and overheard people talking about my extended family.  I think being the first to dish the family dirt is better than winning the lottery for my family.  They preface everything with, “Bless their hearts…”, so that they come across as concerned versus bitchy.  I stick to three responses to any gossip: “Oh, My!”, “Isn’t that nice.”, and “Well, Goodness Gracious.” This sounds better than, “Oh Shit!”, “Fuck Off”, and ” What the Hell were they thinking?”  In the past week I have gathered enough material to write books about adultery, abortion, drug abuse, tax evasion, and how to get rid of garden moles.  My only hope is that I get out of dodge before the rumor mill notices I am in town.


7 Comments so far ↓

  • Jillian

    Hahaha, that sounds frustrating. My family isn’t like that, but they make me feel uncomfortable for different reasons….

  • Monique

    You and I must have the same family… or maybe it’s a Virginia thing. My mother’s side of the family reside in the Petersburg area and oh my word, being there is such torture for me. And I know it’s bad since I have been married for over 10 years and NONE of them have ever met my husband. Not even my grandmother.

  • Beekers

    Jillian: It is frustrating. That is why we have friends that I call family. They say you can’t choose your family. I say why not?

    Monique: It could be in the water here. My husband avoids trips to Richmond at all costs. He thought I was joking until he got to see things first hand.

  • fragileheart

    Beekers, is your family Irish by any chance?

  • Beekers

    Fragileheart: My mother’s side of the family is part Irish. Is it genetic?

  • fragileheart

    Hahahah I guess you could say it’s genetic, it’s also inherent in the culture. My boyfriend always says that the Irish are the only people who will call someone who just won the lottery a prick whereas every other person would be happy for them. (Generically speaking of course – I’m sure there are plenty of non-irish people out there who would call that person a prick) lol.

  • Tree Hugging and Come to Jesus Moments | Beeker's Words

    […] my family that have been born again and feel the need to save my soul at every family gathering. Bless their hearts. I am excited about the changes I am making in my life and I will share. This does not mean I […]

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